i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I die, sorry about rent.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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