she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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