i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize