I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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