Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize