i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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