I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize