My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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