Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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