i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize