My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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