The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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