dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize