Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize