I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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