I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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