When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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