Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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