Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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