So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize