I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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