please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
false alarm, still single
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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