Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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