Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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