Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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