Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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