Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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