I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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