I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
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They took my balls.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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