He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize