I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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