Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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