fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize