Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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