she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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