my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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