i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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