Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize