I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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