Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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