i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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