Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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