I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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