____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize