would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So squirting runs in the family.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
its liver damage thursday
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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