you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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