she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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