I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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