I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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