Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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